How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
