is your mom at the bar?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
