I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I said "one day" and that day is not today
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
