Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
