I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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