ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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