I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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