You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
