True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
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My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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