Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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