I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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