Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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