so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
