i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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