Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
