they need to just BURY HIM!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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