I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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