Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
