I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
