Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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