I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
