They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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