i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
