I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We have started to decorate penises.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize