I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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