I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
