I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
