I wish I only lived at night.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
