Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
