Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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