Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
