new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
