I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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