Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
