Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
