I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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