Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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