This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its not stalking. its research.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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