She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
