can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Damn victory sex feels great
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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