like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
