is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She even gives head with a lisp.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
