what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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