I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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