I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need water and some morals
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
