2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
