Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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