I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
