Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
