Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
