So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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