i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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