I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
