she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
