He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
