Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
