i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
