I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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