The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
