Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
