id be glad to
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
