I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
