I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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