You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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