Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
