you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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