I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
