It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize