hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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